Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
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