This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
