You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
