Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
