my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
