Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
