Can Purell be used as lube?
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Randomize
