Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
