Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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