If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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