I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
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