I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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