I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
now i know why i became what i already was.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
