You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
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