Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Randomize
