Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Randomize
