she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
