guys are not supposed to queef...right?
She announced her abortion via fbk
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
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