im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Randomize
