Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
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