First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
