my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
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