Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
