yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Randomize
