why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Randomize
