I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Randomize
