all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Randomize