Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Randomize
