I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize