Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
