im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Randomize
