how do flat chested girls get laid?
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
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