There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
