Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
