Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
