Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I touched a dick in church today
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize