he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Randomize
