My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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