Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
