so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
