I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
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