So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
