I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
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