ugly people sure do ruin things
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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