He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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