I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Randomize
