meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
