its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize