Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
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