The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
