the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
