69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
I enjoy the company of your penis
Randomize
