i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
