Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
