just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Randomize
