She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I could make wine with my vomit
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
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