I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
