Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
