and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
