i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
