Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
