I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
