there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Randomize
