Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
