Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
