Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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