You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
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