Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Randomize
