i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Randomize
