Don't make out with my wife yet
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Randomize
