glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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