ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
tell me about the fingering
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
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