If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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