Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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