I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize
