fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
