TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
