I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
