wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
