Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Randomize
