A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
