I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
