the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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