My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Randomize
