Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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