Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
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