Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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