sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
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