I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
