I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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