so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
