I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
