The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
