I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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