My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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